The Old Guitarist.

Pablo Picasso's "The Old Guitarist".

I first ever saw this painting as a poster that my high school band director hung on the door of our band room.

The first day I saw it, I was instantly drawn in. The blues and aqua-greens give the piece a cool, simple feel, and the angles of the man's body contrast well with the smooth lines of the guitar. I was mostly caught up in the way the man was sitting; the position of his head, his crossed legs ... the way he held the guitar vertical, rather than horizontal, as is the common, modern fashion. His long, bony fingers and toes, his tattered clothing, his sunken eyes ... all spoke of a life lived long, and not always with the best of circumstances. And yet, with his guitar in his lap, he seems at ease.

This painting fits along with something I've been thinking a lot about lately; passion. It has inspired me to stay true to my passions in life, to embrace what I love and to reach as high as I can for my goals. Picasso's work has reminded me that if you have that something to live for ... well, living is just that much simpler.

now, keep on living. xoxo

A Stranger.

I saw a woman months ago who served as an inspiration for me as a person.

Me and some friends were at a public pool, hangin' out and wasting some time. We had been there maybe an hour when this woman walked in with her young daughter; six, seven years old. The daughter was blond, smile-y and adorable as can be.

The mother wore a black one-piece suit that looked more like a super-short dress. Her hair was dyed black and she had multiple piercings in her ears as well as a nose ring, if my memory serves correct. Tattoos of roses adorned her entire back - probably more than what could be seen because of the bathing suit. The roses blossomed in brilliant reds, with green stems trailing down her arms and onto her hands. The woman was probably in her thirties, and I thought she was simply gorgeous.

Seeing this pair - the beautiful blond daughter and her stunning not-so-blond mother -, laughing and playing together in the pool, brought a smile to my face. From a distance and in her regular attire, the mother may look a bit stand-off-ish; a bit rugged, a bit un-approach-able. Or, maybe the mother dressed just like anyone else on a regular day, and her lovely body art was concealed from public eye.

Whatever the case may be, at this moment, mother and daughter were just like any other pair, enjoying a swim on a hot summer day. Whatever judgements may have been passed on the woman on a regular basis would no longer stand justifiable - for at this moment, smiling and playing with her daughter, she was nothing except beautiful.

This woman inspired me for her courage, her sense of self - she must know that people would judge her by her piercings, her tattoos, maybe the way she dresses (although I personally don't know how that might be). It's one thing for a teen to be pierced and covered in ink - it's something entirely different for a grown woman. However, this woman - this mother - had no problem going out just like anyone else, despite what judgements might be held against her.

This woman also reminded me that self-expression isn't something only teens deal with; it's not a "phase" we grow out of. We don't spend five years of our lives expressing ourselves only to throw it all away at age eighteen, trading it all in for a suit and a tie.

This woman reminded me that you're never too old to be yourself - regardless of what other people may think.

Alice In Wonderland

"Alice! a childish story take, And with a gentle hand Lay it where Childhood's dreams are twined In Memory's mystic band, Like pilgrim's wither'd wreath of flowers Pluck'd in a far-off land." -Alice In Wonderland Lewis Carroll I've always, always, been incredibly interested in Alice In Wonderland, from the time I saw the Disney movie as a child, to now as I'm reading it again for my umpteenth time. I collect different versions and copies of the book, and movies, and absolutely adore most things that give reference to it. I love Lewis Carroll's crazy poems and this world of the unbelievable he has created. A world that invites the mind to imagine and create whatever you want to, impossible is possible, and quite possibly vice-versa. The series has inspired me to write silly little poems with little to no meaning, and draw and create pieces of art based on the characters and worlds from the book. I even have plans to make lots of little "Bread-and-Butterflies" and hang them from my ceiling. There's just something about being told that anything's possible that gets your mind going, sets you into this creative state where you'll dream anything up! Fairy Tales, are these days few and quite far between, and it's a very sad thing. I think that we should always have fairy tales and there should be new ones sprouting up all the time. Without these how are children going to be told that it's OK to dream, that having an imagination is glorious thing and that we should never suffocate it. But these days, people want their children to grow up far too fast, they feel like they have to tell them that "dreaming" can't be allowed because there isn't enough time, that no you can't be whatever you want when you grow up, forget it, study for a normal job and lead a normal boring life. I feel sorry for these kids because they don't know that it absolutely is possible to have a wonderus life, that yes you need to study but you should study for what you want to become. An artist, doctor, pro sports player, ballerina, musician, lawyer, professor, whatever! That if you put your mind to it and work hard and never let the dream go you can live in a little white house with a garden, with bunnies jumping everywhere. That's what these books are for! To keep a mind alive so that we can dream and reach for what in fact is realistic. Of course I don't mean that we'll all be finding "bread-and-butterflies" flying around our backyards, but those things are what keep our minds open to all possibilities, to being able to create worlds like these ourselves and put them down on paper for our children's children and so forth, so they can grow up with dreams and imaginations. Maybe that's why I've read this book so many times. Because there aren't enough fairy tales in the world, and this is the best example of them all, because everyone needs a little reassurance that the impossible is possible, and that a dream can take you anywhere.

Kurt Cobain.

I'm not sure what about Kurt Cobain inspires me, exactly.

I'm sure it wasn't his early life. A boy of seven years old, shuffled back and forth between relatives after his parents' divorce. A child who never felt loved or secure after his parent's separation. A teenager beat up and picked on in school. A vandal, arrested on several occasions. Few friends, no interest in sports or academics. A high school drop-out. A young man, spending most of his time under a bridge, thriving in the punk-rock scene of Seattle, Washington. Certainly not a man to look up to.

It can't be the drug addiction that haunted the majority of Cobain's life that proves as my inspiration. Marijuana at age fourteen. Heroin use in his twenties, which progressed into a painful addiction. Passing out during photo shoots. Suffering withdrawals on tour. Unsuccessful attempts at rehab. Near-fatal overdoses counteracted with injections of more illegal drugs. No, this can't be why Cobain inspires me, either.

It couldn't have been his marriage that inspires me. Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love's relationship was troubled at best. Wracked with ridicule from the press, claiming Love was using Cobain simply as a means to make herself famous. Misinterpretations suggesting that Love was taking heroin while she was pregnant with she and Cobain's child. Waking up to find that your husband had overdosed on champagne and Rohypnol? Of course that's not the kind of marriage I want!

And what about Cobain's tragic final days? Running out on his own drug intervention? Catching a plane from Los Angeles to Seattle to get away from the people who were trying to help him? Hiding out from the police and his own family? ...and when he was finally discovered, it was with a self-inflicted shotgun wound to the head.

With all this hardship in this man's life, all the bad decisions he'd made and awful things he'd done ... what could one possibly find inspiring about Kurt Cobain?

... everything.

I think all these tragic things about Cobain's life add up to what I believe make him such an inspiration. Despite all of the horrible things in his life and all of the hardships he had to deal with, there was one thing Cobain was truly passionate about; and that was his music.

From the very beginning, Cobain lived for music. His family commented on how Cobain would sing along to songs like The Beatles' Hey Jude when he was only two years old. In high school, he expressed the most interest in his art classes, often sketching on his assignments. When his father offered him the choice of a guitar or a bicycle for his fourteenth birthday, Cobain chose the guitar. And after months of begging Krist Novoselic, whom he'd met on the punk rock scene, to form a band with him, Nirvana was finally founded in 1987.

And with the beginning of Nirvana came the beginning of a new era of rock music. It has been said time and time again that Nirvana "created" what he have come to know as alternative rock. This band paved the way for a whole new genre of music to take hold. Nirvana was here to prove that glam rock was dead and that pure, uncensored rock & roll was back, and better than ever.

Cobain lived not for himself, but for his music. In a life that had proved nothing but hard for him, Cobain found solace and comfort in the world of music and lyrics. It seems to me that this world was the only world that made sense to Cobain, and when he had nothing else, he had his music. This was Cobain's passion, and this passion blossomed and grew from a lifetime of pain and hardship. Cobain lived - and ultimately died - for his music.

This is why I look at Kurt Cobain as an inspiration. He lived so hard, so fast, so loud ... and along the way, he didn't make the best decisions. It was as if Cobain lived so much that, in the end, he just couldn't live anymore. It seems the life Cobain led was too extreme to survive in this world. And yet, all throughout the crazy life he led, Cobain remained loyal to his music. In the end, Cobain ended his life because he felt he was no longer doing justice to his life's one and only true passion.

It upsets me that such a talented musician and such a beautiful man is no longer a part of his world. But I truly find inspiration in a man who lived his life in his own way, who was passionately devoted to something and dedicated his entire life to that one passion.

Rest In Peace;

KURT COBAIN

1967 - 1994

Dressage.

As my years as an equestrian, I have ridden several different styles and competed in various disciplines. I just recently added riding dressage to my resume.

The United States Dressage Federation (USDF) defines the word "dressage" as "a French term meaning 'training'" and the purpose of the sport as "to develop the horse’s natural athletic ability and willingness to work, making him calm, supple and attentive to his rider." Dressage training is based on the military training of horses in the cavalry, dating back to the 1800's. Competition stems from the concept of training horses for maneuverability and obedience, both being traits that were required of a cavalry mount. Dressage competitions are based on a series of patterns, or "tests", in which horse and rider must execute specific movements. There are several levels of dressage competition, beginning at Training Level and advancing to Grand Prix, with more intricate and challenging movements incorporated into tests of each level.

Ever since I was young, dressage has fascinated me. The horse and rider pairs who compete in this sport are not only athletes, but artists, combining strength, power, and precision with grace, poise and creativity to put on a performance which, at its best, is breathtaking for any spectator, regardless of knowledge about the sport or horses in general. Anyone who can appreciate the amount of hard work and dedication it takes for a horse and rider pair to compete in dressage will find themselves captivated by the beauty and artistry of the sport.

I am just getting involved in this event myself, and I must say I am loving every minute of it. It all began when my horse and I won the dressage class at my first high school equestrian team meet; since then, my horse and I have been growing together as a dressage pair. With the unwavering help and support of my family and friends - both at the barn and away! - I have had the chance to become a part of something I've always admired, and have made all of my wildest dreams come true.

However, I have a long way to go before I can call myself an accomplished dressage rider. I find my biggest inspiration from the horses and riders around me when I compete in this event; specifically, the Arabian horses who excel in the dressage and show hack (in essence, a dressage class without the pattern) events at the A Circuit, Regional and National shows I have attended and had the pleasure of watching perform. Watching riders who compete in dressage at the highest levels, who have spent their entire lives perfecting this art ... and their horses, who give one-hundred and ten percent to make the show the spectacle it is ... these pairs inspire me to become a better rider and, in turn, allow my horse to be the best he can be.

One such horse and rider pair is featured in the video below. I was in the stands watching the Grand Prix Musical Freestyle dressage class at Arabian Sport Horse Nationals in Nampa, Idaho this year. This exhibition was held on the last day of the competition; all of my classes were over for the week, and after so many emotional highs and lows behind-the-scenes and in the arena myself, it felt good to step on the sidelines and enjoy watching a class for a change. And watching the freestyle class, I felt truly honored to be in the presence of such flawless pairs; both athletes and artists, these horses and riders represented the Arabian breed and the sport of dressage in the finest way; it made me proud that I am becoming a part of such a lovely sport, and to be involved with the Arabian horse.

The video below is of Chelsey Sibley riding chestnut Arabian stallion Taez+// to a National Champion finish in the Musical Freestyle Dressage exhibition at the 2008 U.S Arabian/Half-Arabian Sport Horse National Championships. Watching the test in person gave me shivers, and watching it again on film gives me just a greater appreciation of every technical and artistic detail Sibley and "Teddy" incorporated into their ride to make it deserving of a National Champion title.

I can only dream that someday I'll be as talented as half the dressage riders I have the privilege of watching perform. Chances are, my horse and I will never reach such a high level of competition. I've spent the past year of competition perfecting my rides in show hack. When show season starts back up again in the spring, I plan on making my debut performance in the dressage arena at Arabian Sport Horse shows.

And I can guarantee that it will be memories of performances like the one featured above - images in my head of spectacular horse and rider pairs, executing each movement with finesse and poise - that will inspire me to try and execute such a breathtaking performance myself.

Pictured; Above: Anky van Grunsven and Keltec Salinero demonstrate an extended trot; Below: Lisa Wilcox and Relevant execute a canter pirouette.

Keep on living.